The Maui Examiner

Top Ten List…

Computer Viruses To Watch Out For

1. Janet Jackson virus: Pops up suddenly during your office break.
2. Monica Lewinsky virus: Sucks all the memory out of your computer.
3. Titanic virus: Makes your whole computer go down.
4. Disney virus: Everything in the computer goes Goofy.
5. Mike Tyson virus: Quits after one byte.
6. Prozac virus: Screws up your RAM but your processor doesn't care.
7. Lorena Bobbit virus: Turns your hard disk into a 3.5-inch floppy.
8. Woody Allen virus: Bypasses the motherboard and turns on a daughter card.
9. Ronald Reagan virus: Saves your data, but forgets where it is stored.
10. Viagra virus: Expands your hard drive while putting too much pressure on your zip drive.

Then there is the Clinton PC. It has a six-inch hard drive and no memory.

APELDOORN, Holland– A 15-year-old stole three separate buses, and then pretended to be a real bus driver. He even went as far as picking up and dropping off passengers.
The boy drove the first stolen bus, taken in the northeast Dutch town of Apeldoorn, 40 miles before stealing a second bus for the return trip. He picked up several passengers at bus stops along the route, taking them to their destinations.
Police caught the teenager the following day. He was driving a third stolen bus.

MOSCOW, Russia– After stealing a car from a repair shop in southern Moscow, a 24-year-old car thief quickly realized that there was a problem with his heist.
The brakes had been removed from the vehicle he has stolen.
Moments after stealing a Nissan Primera, the thief sailed through a red light several yards away and straight into another car.
The man was arrested and charged with theft.

COLOGNE, Germany– A robber with his face wrapped against cold weather had wrapped himself so tightly that his victim couldn't understand a word he was saying.
The man walked into a newsagents’ in Cologne and mumbled something to cashier Michaela Sobor. She couldn't understand the man and had to ask him to repeat himself.
The 24-year-old cashier didn't realize she was being robbed until the frustrated thief pushed his way behind the counter and brandished a gun.
The robber made off with over £1,000 in cash. The case remains under police investigation.

Siren Song Jars Neighborhood

YORKTOWN HEIGHTS, N.Y.– A civil defense siren that had been unused for over 15 years unexpectedly blasted hundreds of Yorktown Heights residents awake Nov. 30 at 1:15 in the morning.
Yorktown Police Lt. Donald Schuck told the Associated Press that the police department received over 100 calls simultaneously, 42 of them to 911.
Many callers feared that there might have been a problem at the nearby Indian Point nuclear power facility, which houses 156 emergency sirens. Others thought there was an impending air raid.
The siren blared on for about 40 minutes before the town’s fire chief managed to turn it off.
Faulty wiring may have been the cause of the errant alarm.

TOKYO, Japan– People in Tokyo are rubbing their eyes and shaking their heads– they could swear they just saw a panda cruising down the street.
In actuality, it’s a poodle-Maltese mix named Columbo dyed to look like a panda.
Pet shop owner Kensuke Hirakawa took in the big white dog, who was slated to be put down because he was highly aggressive and a nonstop barker.
It was a challenge, but Hirakawa was eventually able to tame Columbo. And now Colombo has begun a new life – as a panda.
Hirakawa’s motivation for dying his dog to look like a panda came from the continual presence of stains around the dog’s eyes. This is quite common in both poodles and Maltese dogs.
The dye is created especially for use on dogs and lasts about a month.

Colombo, a poodle-Maltese mix, out for a stroll on the streets of Tokyo.

MINNEAPOLIS, Minn.– Daniel Moris got an unexpected surprise on his electric bill– it kept going up even after the home that he was getting billed for sat empty.
Moris moved into a smaller house last summer, and though his townhouse that he moved from was unoccupied, his last bill came to $173.
After scrutinizing his bill, he realized the meter number on the bill did not match the meter number on his house. Or any of his neighbor’s homes.
As it turned out, Moris had been paying someone else’s electric bill for seven years.
What’s worse, Xcel Energy, the utility company responsible for the mix-up, has agreed to refund Moris only three years worth of the errantly paid bills.
The Public Utilities Commission only requires companies to pay back customers for one year's worth of mistakes, so it seems that Moris actually made out pretty good, though he is still out about $2,000.
The Public Utilities Commission plans to reconsider the rule.

Ronald MacDonald Robs Wendy's

MANCHESTER, N.H.— It’s not easy being Ronald MacDonald. Especially if he got to work at Wendy’s
MacDonald, 22, and co-worker Steve Lemay, 20 were caught by Wendy’s restaurant manager Nov. 28 taking money from the safe at about 1:30 a.m.
Both men, who are residents of Manchester, were detained at the store until police arrived.
MacDonald and Lemay were charged with theft. And though it takes a real clown to try something so dumb, MacDonald is no relation to Ronald McDonald, the clown of McDonald’s fame.

LONDON, England– Here’s the perfect holiday gift for the person who has everything– a temperature-controlled butter dish.
The ButterWizard, a portable butter dish with adjustable temperature for perfectly spreadable butter, is the latest creation from Alfille Innovations Limited to hit the market.

The ButterWizard – The perfect gift for the person who has everything.

The ButterWizard features a computer chip controlled, built-in fan that maintains butter at the desired temperature. The dish’s temp can be adjusted depending what texture the butter will be spread on, be it a soft croissant or hard pumpernickel.
The East Sussex-based company told Reuters that the biggest complaint of butter users is lack of spreadability, and that 65 degrees Fahrenheit is the optimum temperature for spreadable butter.

PHILADELPHIA, Penn.– An Arizona man was arrested Nov. 27 after running onto the field and dumping out a powdery substance from a plastic bag during a Philadelphia Eagles/Green Bay Packers game. The man told police he was spreading his late mother's ashes.
During the game, Christopher Noteboom, 44, ran onto Lincoln Financial Field holding open a plastic bag, trailing a plume of fine powder.
Upon reaching the 30-yard line, the Tempe, Ariz. resident fell to his knees, made the sign of the cross and lay down on his stomach. Security personnel promptly escorted him from the field.
Noteboom told WPVI-TV that his mother died of emphysema in January 2005, and she was an avid Eagles fan. She died shortly before the Eagles' Super Bowl appearance.
Noteboom was arrested and charged with defiant trespass. A hearing scheduled for Dec. 27.