The Maui Examiner

Top Ten List…

Silly Headlines

These are actual headlines from around the world:

1. Something went wrong in jet crash, experts says
2. Police begin campaign to run down jaywalkers
3. Drunk gets nine months in violin case
4. Is there a ring of debris around Uranus?
5. Panda mating fails; Veterinarian takes over
6. Reagan wins on budget, but more lies ahead
7. Miners refuse to work after death
8. Enfiels couple slain; Police suspect homicide
9. Juvenile court to try shooting defendant
10. Never withhold herpes infection from loved one

Jacksonville, Fla.– When the substitute teacher in the 2nd period, 7th grade science class at Lake Shore Middle School started behaving strangely, students became alarmed and notified the school’s administrators.
Principal Iranetta Wright told First Coast News that Terry Kaupilla, 45, was spotted “sniffing something” by students in his class. The students suspected that the teacher was doing drugs.
According to police, Kaupilla a bag of cocaine was spotted near Kaupilla while he was being questioned. He was arrested and taken into custody.
Kaupilla has been suspended. This was the second time he had worked at Lake Shore Middle School.

Charges Against Secret Admirer Dismissed

BEIJING, China– After breaking into his female neighbor’s home five times, a Chinese man, reportedly smitten with the woman, finally got caught last month.
The burglar was caught leaving his neighbor's apartment with her front door key, a bra, two photographs and her MP3 player, reported Xinhua news agency.
The man had made a bet with his roommate that he would win the woman's heart, though he couldn’t get up the courage to speak to her.
The other times the man had broken into her home he had washed her dishes, done her laundry, made snacks for her and fixed her computer.
After hearing the case, the court in Harbin, capital of northeastern Heilongjiang province, dismissed harassment charges against the burglar.

HOLLYWOOD, Cal.– Concern is being voiced by Hollywood executives over an unlikely subject – size of Superman’s bulge.
Brandon Routh, the 26-year-old actor portraying Superman in Hollywood’s latest superhero film, Superman Returns, is apparently quite well-endowed.

Superman's Bulge Returns. Actor Brandon Routh has a package a bit too big for Hollywood execs to handle.

The powers that be in Tinsletown told the Sun that they think his profile in the superhero's skintight costume could be distracting, and have ordered the filmmakers to employ digital effects to make Routh’s member less obvious.
Already Routh had to be fitted with a special codpiece. Superman Returns is due for release in 2006.

NEW YORK, N.Y.– According to a new survey by Response Insurance, 17 percent of Americans admit they've nearly caused an automobile accident while picking their nose behind the wheel.
The study revealed that twice as many men pick their nose while driving than women.
Other near-collision driving activities mentioned in the survey include spilling hot coffee, knocking ashes off a cigar or cigarette and applying makeup.

Geese Ate Walls Of School

RISESTI, Romania– Romanian builders are being held responsible for a village’s financial loss after geese ate the walls of the school the builders were renovating.
The walls were being built out of polystyrene, a popular, lightweight building material. And apparently geese love the taste of the polystyrene panels installed on the outer walls of the school in Risesti village, Vaslui county.
Village Mayor Constantin Negru told 7 Plus newspaper the builders were responsible for failing to protect the panels until they were covered with mortar.
"After all a goose is just a goose, said Negru. “This project was financed by the public budget and I don't blame the birds for the damages. It's the builders' fault because they didn't take care of their work."

RIO DE JANEIRO, Brazil (AP) – The recent passage of a bill by the Nova Iguacu city council may make it mandatory for the city of Rio de Janeiro to install transvestite bathrooms in popular public places.
The bill, which passed on Dec. 14, would require night clubs, shopping malls, movie theaters and large restaurants to provide a third type of bathroom for transvestites. It remains to be seen whether or not Mayor Lindberg Farias will make it law.
City Councilman Carlos Eduardo Moreira told the Associated Press that he feels it could be a step towards ending prejudice.
After dozens of transvestites showed up for a local samba show, Moreira, 32, tought of the idea.
"It was a real problem,” he told the AP. “The women didn't feel comfortable having them in the ladies' room, and the men didn't want them in their bathroom either."
There are approximately 28,000 transvestites in Nova Iguacu, a city of about 800,000 on the outskirts of Rio de Janeiro.

DALLAS, Texas– Two Dallas-area runners got a running start on married life after they made the White Rock Marathon a platform for their nuptials. Ken Ashby, 53, and Linda Kelley, 54, tied the knot just past Mile 19 in the 26.2 mile race.
After running the first part of the marathon, Ashby stopped to get married to Kelley. He was joined by his bride in the final 7.2 miles, who ran the rest of the course wearing a veil.
Tim Epting, another runner and an ordained minister, officiated the wedding.
Ashby picked up Kelley as he darted across the finish line, making it the threshold for their new life together.