BUCK'S BLOG
The Little Dung Beetle
Who Could
J.M.
Buck
Scene:
Camera pans across the African savannah, then zooms in on a small
beetle moving its prize across the dry, dusty ground.
Narrator: In the hot, inhospitable environment,
the air buzzes with the sound of insect life as Dung Beetle #1
struggles valiantly to push a ball of dung up a small hill…
Dung Beetle #1: “Puff, puff, puff. Dung-dong,
dung-dong. What a jolly load to carry! With this dung I shall
build a very grand house.”
Narrator: The dung beetle collects feces
from many animals – giraffes with long necks,
bears with almost no necks at all, and even baby elephants.
Scene: Montage of Dung Beetle #1’s past
dung ball collecting. The little dung beetle has moved dung balls
from all these wonderful animals in order to build homes for himself
and his now-grown children. Flash on scenes of baby dung beetles,
background music is “Dung Beneath My Wings.” One of
Dung Beetle #1’s young is away at school, and he had to
build homes for the kids because they refused to get jobs in the
local pasture cleaning up after the rancher’s cattle.
Narrator: Dung Beetle #1 is puffing uphill merrily.
But not for long…
Dung Beetle #1: “I cannot go another inch!
I’m getting to old and tired to be hauling around this much
crap…”
Narrator: He tries and tries, but can’t
get the dung ball rolling again.
Dung Beetle #1: “What are all my little
beetles on the other side of the hill going to do without this
wonderful dung to play with and eat?”
Scene: Camera zooms in on a second dung beetle.
Dung Beetle #2 seems uninterested in Dung Beetle #1’s plight.
Dung Beetle #1: "Here comes my neighbor.
He’s been borrowing dung from me to build his new house
because he keeps eating all of his own building materials. Maybe
he will help me.”
Dung Beetle #2: “Help the likes of you?
Indeed not!"
Narrator: Dung Beetle #1 seems confused about
Dung Beetle #2’s indifference. Observe how Dung Beetle #1
waves his front leg at Dung Beetle #2. The gesture is remarkably
like that of humans driving on New York City freeways.
Scene: Dung Beetle #2 scrambles over the hill
to his almost-completed new dung house. On the way, he finds a
scrap of mahogany wood, which he quickly fashions into an elaborately
carved front door.
Narrator: Here comes another dung beetle. Maybe
Dung Beetle #1 will get help with his load after all, even though
the approaching dung beetle appears to be quite old.
Dung Beetle #1: “Here comes the oldest
beetle in the neighborhood. Maybe he can help me, even though
he is miserly and hordes mounds of dung behind his dung-house,
and then steals my dung to eat.”
Narrator: The two dung beetles meet. Dung
Beetle #3 does not seem to like Dung Beetle #1 very much either.
Dung Beetle #3: Help you? I’m too old.
I can not. I can not. I can not."
Scene: Dung Beetle #3 limps off. He means
to go home, but being extremely old, his sense of direction has
failed him and he wanders away from the dung beetle colony. A
monitor lizard soon devours him.
Dung Beetle #1: “Serves that damn kleptocoprophage
right…”
Narrator: Dung Beetle #1 is now exhausted
and quite angry. This is unusual, as dung beetles tend to help
one another. He has left his dung ball, and appears to be searching
for something. Oh – here comes another dung beetle. Dung
Beetle #1 has spotted it, and is becoming excited. Let’s
see what happens.
Dung Beetle #1: “It’s my daughter!
She has been away at the Dung Beetle Mercenary Camp and promised
to come home as soon as she could! She will certainly help her
old dad. My goodness! She now has a tattoo on her back that says
‘I Love Termites.’”
Scene: The two dung beetles embrace.
Dung Beetle #4: “Dad! What is the matter?”
Scene: Both dung beetles are becoming very
animated as they converse. Dung Beetle #1 tells his daughter everything.
Dung Beetle #4 has learned the art of insect warfare while in
mercenary school, and vows to her father to right the injustices
he has suffered at the hands of his neighbors. His daughter looks
up and sees tears in her father’s eyes. Both dung beetles
start pushing the dung ball uphill, but before getting to their
destination, they make a quick stop at the local army ant colony
for artillery and reinforcements.
Narrator: It appears that some unlikely companions
– army ants, have joined our two dung beetles. They are
now headed into the dung beetle colony. This is rare footage indeed!
Scene: Dung Beetle #4 is directing the platoon
of army ant towards Dung Beetle #2’s house. Upon reaching
it, the ants and both dung beetles pause to admire the fine craftsmanship
of the dung house.
Narrator: My goodness! That looks like a little
blue cannon!
Dung Beetle #4: “My first real assault!
I’m so nervous – can I really do it? I have to, for
Dad. I think I can, I think I can, I think I can, I think I can,
I think I can…”
Scene: Puff, puff, boom, boom, went the little
blue cannon. Faster and faster the army ants poured over the homes
of the dung beetles that wouldn’t help Dung Beetle #1. They
take everything in their path and bring it to Dung Beetle #1’s
homestead. Dung Beetle #1 and #4 rejoice. The “Applause”
sign at the edge of the set goes on, and the videographers erupt
in cheers and hoots. The dung beetles embrace again, and say farewell
to their army ant friends.
Dung Beetle #4: These neighbors are sure going
to respect you now Dad. You really put them in their place.
Dung Beetle #1: Thanks sweetie. Nice front door,
isn’t it?
Moral:
Just because life hands you a bunch of dung doesn’t mean
you have to wallow in it.
