Top Ten List…

Top Ten Daily Affirmations

10. If I speak to people calmly and clearly, I can articulate my position – especially if they can see the safety is off.
9. On the journey of life I should stop and smell the roses and not forget that obviously the bastard feels bad about whatever he did.
8. I can forgive those that slight me and apologize, and I can still disable the primer mechanism under their car.
7. People will believe I am confident in my successes if I keep the look of astonishment off my face.
6. Life is a journey and it helps to have a map.
5. Hindsight may be 20/20, but it would be awfully hard to see out of your Levis.
4. Making a copy of a software package is not always stealing. Sometimes you need to make an off-site back-up in case the office were to burn down, or in case they fire me.
3. I should live each day as if it is to be my last, but that doesn't mean at the end of each day I should pants my boss and punch him or her in the face for being such a moron.
2. Just because the cops do it doesn't make it legal or right.
And the #1 Daily Affirmation:
1. Cheaters never win. Even if I have to fix it so they don't.

ST. LOUIS– St. Louis resident Asia Francis auctioned off on eBay an unlikely advertising slot: her pregnant belly.
The winning bid of $1,000 went to a California Internet company, giving the business exclusive rights to temporarily tattoo its name on the 21-year-old Francis' belly and broadcast the birth of her daughter live on the Internet.
According to the Associated Press, twenty-one year old Andrew Fischer of Omaha, Neb., earned over $37,000 last year for bearing a corporate logo on his forehead for a month. Michele Hutchison of Lanhorne, Pa., auctioned ad rights for her baby's clothing on eBay last year, seeking $1,000 for a months' lease.

Bottle Message Found In Africa

LYNN, Mass.– A message in a bottle from Genevive Hernandez of Lynn, Massachusetts that floated on the atlantic Ocean for two years and 3,500 miles finally washed ashore in Morocco.
26-year-old Assila Ahmed of Morocco wrote that he'd found the bottle that was thrown into the water on Nov. 20, 2003 by Hernandez, now a 13-year-old seventh grader. Hernandez was among group of fifth-graders put messages in bottles and cast them into the ocean from Lynn's shores.
Hernandez told the AP that she was amazed her green Sprite bottle made it as far as it did, since most of them either bounced right back to shore or ended up only as far as the Cape.
Students received replies from 14 people before Hernandez received hers. Most were from the Cape Cod area. One made it as far as England.

SMITHFIELD, Ohio (AP) - A car thief was arrested after stopping to ask directions at the car owner's father's house.
Michael Chapman, 54, is accused of stealing a car March 8 in Hopedale, about 130 miles east of Columbus near the West Virginia state line.
After driving in the stolen vehicle for three miles, Chapman off state Route 151 and stopped randomly at the home of 67-year-old Thomas Eltringham to ask directions to a nearby town.
When Chapman drove off, Eltringham called his daughter, suspecting that the gold 2001 Buick LeSabre may have been hers.
According to the AP, a patrol officer spotted the car and chased it. Chapman pulled into a driveway, got out and ran. He was found hiding behind an auto sales office and arrested.
Chapman, was being held at the Jefferson County Justice Center on charges of car theft, drunken driving and driving without a license.

Hardened Criminal Dodges Jail

BIELEFELD, Germany– Maurice Baumann, 32, was sentenced to a year's jail term after robbing homes in the British army garrison town of Bielefeld.
However, Baumann has an unusual get-out-of-jail free card: he suffers from a permanent erection.
After being hospitalized as an "emergency case" and undergoing a week-long treatment for his “disorder,” doctors were only able to get his penis down to "half-mast".
Baumann told the court in Bielefeld that woke up one morning with an erection but didn't think anything of it – until it never went down."
According to Reuters, a medical report revealed that doctors stuck needles in his manhood for 90 minutes in an attempt to reduce its size. But five minutes later it was erect again.
They also injected medication into it but that didn't help either.
The Bielefeld court ruled that Baumann could stay out of jail while his problem persisted.

SPRINGVILLE, Utah– Four Springville High School seniors were suspended for 90 days after spraying skunk oil on carpets, walls, floors and vents of the school on a late February morning. The suspension could affect their graduation.
The students confessed after after being told the incident had been captured on security cameras.
According to the Daily Herald, the stench is still lingering in the hall near the gym and auditorium over a month later. Some teachers and students reportedly still can't walk through the affected part of the building without retching. A basketball banquet, a play and a parent-teacher event have been disrupted because of the smell.
Damages thus far have totaled about $800.